Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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