what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
