bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
