Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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