Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
