I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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