At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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