It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
