so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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