WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
