vagina is talking i cant
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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