Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
