dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
sex in a hospital.. check
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
