HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
