She announced her abortion via fbk
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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