i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
