i need an iv and a liver transplant
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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