The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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