Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
