remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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