Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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