fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
