Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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