apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
