who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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