New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
