I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
