I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
