that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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