No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
