Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize