I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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