he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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