I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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