I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
