I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
