My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
