do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
