Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
