Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
