I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
