Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
