I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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