Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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