it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
