I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
