Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
