drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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