Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
