There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
