i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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