Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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