I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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