At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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