last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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