never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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