me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Randomize
