i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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