I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
