Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
