What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
