so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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