Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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