i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize