then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
