the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
