i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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