He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i dont even know how to be here
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
