I want you more than these girls want KFC
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
