i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
